SO IT GOES: So here’s a little nugget I discovered on eBay the other day, and of course, the bells go off in that “I hafta have it” kind of way, right? Blaring. Well, then you look over in the listing, and you see the price, and the bells go silent: The parasitic turkey seller wanted $79.99 for it.

Who do they think they are? Who gives them the right to charge that sort of coin for this shit? Science? Birthright? Vo-Tech Graduation Certificate? None of the above. Some turd sitting on an incredible pile of old hats, trying to make a buck. Bums me out. Everything was $39.99 and above. Not cool. I’ll stick to finding them for a quarter in some flea-bit thrift store or whatever.

But, man, that hat is pretty majestic.