SUCK MY APRÉS: Kyle Gilkeson sent in that Aspen image up above. We thank him for thinking of us. Rose would be all over this one.

I’ve been to Aspen a number of times. As a youngster with mom and dad, my first time having fresh-squeezed orange juice. Then, some years later, wandering the West, I saw those Avett Brothers there, to a packed house of half-baked hippie fucks “jamming”, ski bum turds and even a couple of rancher types who looked like they picked the wrong night to “go into town.”

Just less and less down with Richie Rich mountain town shit. Not my deal. I remember racing back to that I-70 interstate, thinking about Hunter, prob’ly never to go back there.

That memory is kinda dumb,. Instead, I’m gonna think about my dad going there to ski in his mid-20s for wild times. Yeah, that’s a little better.

In the snowboard community there, word is there’s a contingent of “Aspen Gangstas.” I’ve seen the pictures of said turds. Alpine gangstas, yo! Fuck off for a million years. Word.

- - - -

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE MUSTACHE ON DALE: It’s a pretty gross. Truth be told, some people shouldn’t have mustaches. I get upset thinking about Dale’s face. Weird. Anyway, in between him “doing whatever the fuck he does” and “whatever he does when he isn’t doing whatever the fuck he does” he came across this side-splitting mustached type link. You, Dale, are shining jewel.

- - - -

WE’LL LINK ANYTHING: And here’s proof of that policy. Connecticut’s very own Jake Parker comes in hot with this link:“Orange Air Compressor.” That’s some pretty boss equipment. We dig.

- - - -

THE KIND OF LINK THAT MAKES ME WANT TO HIT THE ROAD: “10 Midwest roadside attractions you must see.” Can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in front of that green giant, pondering the universe. Many, many time. Mom and dad, this link might come in handy once you get across South Dakota.

- - - -

KING OF THE BREEDS: “Wiener dogs, cross here.” Holding Gary right now, as these words go to print. His breath smells like “earthworms with a hint of hot trash.” You know how I know this? He’s in his little sling right now on my chest, and he keeps looking up to lick me. And that Garyhole of his stinks. There ya go.

- - - -

ON THE PLAYER:

01. Deer Tick - The Black Dirt Sessions
02. Dexateens - Singlewide
03. Hammerhead - Duh, the Big City