Yesterday being Leigh’s birthday and all, and honoring the “whatever she wants/she gets” birthday protocol, we headed up to Mount St. Helens for some nature action.

We drove up that mountain, parked in a parking lot and walked into a cave, down into the earth. Just like that.

Here’s proof, readers: “Down Into Ape Cave.”

But of course, I had ulterior motives. I first heard about Ape Cave as a wee youngster, reading my first “big kid” books (paperbacks) about Bigfoot, Sasquatch and the Abominable Snowman. I read each and every word about those beasts, scared shitless to camp, much less even look out my window at night. To this day, I’m still freaked out in the woods. Seriously. One just had to wonder.

Here’s some background on those lava tubes known as “Ape Cave.”

Wonders of nature, but an hour or so away from Portland. Recommended. Take flashlights, extra batteries and an extra flashlight, just in case. It’s dark down there. A wet kind of dark you can feel deep inside yer lungs.

I splintered off from from the group, and went on my own walkabout, taking time to find a rock, sit down and turn off the light. Just me, some rock and complete fucking darkness. Unsettling, really.

Needless to say, the best part about those Ape Caves was climbing the fuck out of them. That subterranean shit is for moles, earthworms and Fraggles.

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A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN ANY OF MY HALF-ASS SHOTS: “Lower Ape Cave, Washington State, Mount St, Helens National Volcanic Monument” Bravo!

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CHINESE PIRATES, WREAKING HAVOC: Don’t mess with design books, you Shanghai dicks! From Nakamoto, my highly-esteemed “partner in business.”

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CAN’T GO WRONG WITH THIS ONE: “Cold Fur Storage On Premises.” (Thank you, John Abella!)

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SETTING THE (Live) RECORD(s) STRAIGHT: Five Live Albums Actually Worth Listening To.

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COUDAL’S MAIN PAGE, EVEN!: Their stock might’ve went down a couple points, putting this face on their main page. You guys have got guts!