The Big Lebowski: The Short Version (Script)

By: Ryno

Film opens. A bowling ball rolls down lane in slow-motion. Show title. Camera pans to worm’s eye view - shows ball strike pins, enter return mechanism.

Text comes on screen:

“What you are about to watch is the stupidest pile of shit possibly in film history. Maybe worse than Kangaroo Jack. Undoubtely, most of your friends will somehow think that it’s about as great as sliced bread, for some reason, but be completely prepared to not laugh, or even snicker one little bit for the next hour and fourty-five minutes or so. Be prepared, however, for some run-of-the-mill lowest-common-denominator Charles-In-Charge style attempts at humor that people will think are “clever” and, as such, meritable - despite that fact that the jokes are mindlessly trite and generic. There’s gonna be this silly pothead Jeff Spicoli-style character who swears a lot and is a real “slacker,” and gets himself into some serious hi-jinks that a slacker like him could probably never get himself into intentionally. This all happens accidently, the way these sorts of things always happen in dumb movies. Then you’ll get to watch him fumble his way out of it. What a “Hoot.” John Goodman will raise his voice a lot, too. Most of the jokes are about being lazy, and being dumb, and people that are lazy and kind of dumb. It’s kind of like an Adam Sandler movie, but with some fancier photography and editing.

Have you seen Raising Arizona? Good for you. It’s great. But this one sucks. Go Home.”

THE END

A would-be Cohen Brothers film.

Executive Producer: Ryan Simonson.

Fade to black.