Okay, let�s get something straight: Vermont is a real shithole.

Fall foliage, clean air, nice people, cutesy little eateries and moutain vistas. A wasteland.

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Lance and Vanessa�s wedding was a real success. Big farm that smelled of cowshit, a scenic Vermont vista to overlook for the sacred vows, a big barn for the reception, a �50s band to keep people moving, loose women, happy parents and Evan Rose, who filmed this glorious debacle, was running around like a goddamn Jewish maniac, testing out his �crazy cam� techinique which involves running behind an unsuspecting guest, camera focused on said guest and yelling, to catch their frightened reaction. Giant piece of shit.

Evan had this to say about his performance: �The blueberry pie comes highly recommended.�

Good to see everyone. Let me drop some names: Michaylira, Tevis, Sue �Sewage� Lee, Jared, Chaka, Chaka�s gal Lesley, Dabica, Dabica�s gal Ally, Rhajer Cameron, Rhajer�s gal Sarah, production master Leo, Chuck, Tara, Mike Jager, some bow hunk from Vancouver, and some guy who looked like Ernest Hemingway. Old Man and the Sea!

The wedding was beautiful and the couple, who normally allows Vanessa to �look like a million bucks,� looked like a trillion bucks. Lance managed (MAN-aged) to wrestle that mop of hair into something respectable, much to our surprise.

I ate like a king, drank like a pig, talked a lot of shit, made a lot of promises I won�t keep and generally, had �a good time.�

Thanks and good luck to L+V.

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I�m outta this dump, headed down toward Rhajer Cameron’s heavily-Lego’d compound in Long Meadow, Mass.