As promised, either for posterity or historical documentation’s sake, we here at the Draplindustries Design Co. are offering a detailed account of Dad’s 60th Surprise Birthday Party.

The decision to throw dad a party was made well before Christmas. The old man was turning 60, a milestone, a testament, a reason, if any, to get everyone together to pay tribute; and get loaded. Mom and Sarah got the ball rolling with calls to caterers, halls and hotels. Of course, all “under the breath,” as keeping this whole ménage a secret was of utmost importance. From my end out west, I got a postcard going, as well as the crowd pleaser 1” buttons. The family and friends were invited, and you bet, the RSVP calls started to pour in. From the get go, we knew this revelry would be a success.

Getting all the kids in one place is a challenge. Everyone has left the nest. Leah and Nate were coming up from college, Sarah was coming up from her Audiologist job in Detroit and I was flying in from Portland. Hell, even Melissa was coming in, from her Sioux Falls winter haunt. All the troops were needed.

I flew into Detroit, where Uncle Kevin picked me up. Always good to see him. We drove the 40 minutes north, intersecting the metro area up towards the Northeast suburbs. He dropped me off at Sarah’s, and I got the pleasure of getting reacquainted with my little sister and my better half. We drove up north the next day. On our way out of town, we stopped at Sarah’s office. She checked my hearing (passed with flying colors) and made a mold of my ear canal. Whoa, sonic! I’m still trying to figure out why she had me drop my drawers for a hearing test. Hmmm.

We were northbound soon after. Sarah drove like a banshee, passing cars and tailgating like any good Detoiter. I finally lost my shit and let out a barrage of threats and expletives begging for my life on the snowy northwoods roads. Me made it up north safely. Thank the heavens. We checked into “basecamp” (a string of Holiday Inn rooms reserved for people coming in for the party) and made our way out to mom and dad’s.

Saturday afternoon was prep time. All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and friends came together and got everything ready. Unca Terry, Unca Pat and Unca Mike stocked a wicked bar. Aunt Mary led a legion of cousins in the decorating. Sarah freaked out. Kelsey and Melissa caught up on all things pertinent. I got a keg. And a tap.

The party was perfect. The big moment went off without a hitch. We lured dad in with a whooped up story about a “benefit fish fry for a couple guys who fell through the ice.” A fish fry, for guys who feel through the ice? Right. Well, the old man bought it. We all walked in, dad paused for a second and sort of caught on. The flashbulbs started bursting and a scream rose, a thuderclap of voices, saying, “Surpriiiiiiise.” Dad walked into the hall, wide eyed and let out a spirited, “Holy Shit.”

And with that, the party began. The turnout was amazing. I saw cousins I didn’t even know I had. Lots of family and friends to chat with. We ate, we drank, we chatted. Dad opened a mountain of presents.

From my little niche, many good friends attended. Bry and Tracey brought Little Eva out into the cold for the big night. She slept through it all. That’s good, she needs the rest in her formative years. Always good to see Campbell. Miss him. Chad Smith made a late appearance and updated me with his new happenings. A brother.

Dad had a great time. He entertained the crowd, mingled and caught up with everyone. The whole debacle was a stellar success. I look forward to his 70th, 80th, 90th…. Etc.

The rest of my weekend was spent hanging out with mom and dad; eating amazing mealsm talking and watching tube. Lots of relaxing. It is always good to be home. Having Melissa, Leah, Nate and Sarah in for the event also made it all complete.

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SPORTING BONUS: Any event inlvolving a pool is an opportunity for Dad to unleash his famous “Moby Kowalski” dive. He’s been performing this family tradition for ages–impressing all onlookers and naysayers–and of course, clearing out the pool with his volume-counter-distributing leviathan mass. The sequence above shows the takeoff, and aftermath of such an incident. Special thanks to the East Bay Holiday Inn pool area for allowing this sporting anomaly to take place.